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Missing papers evenually
missed
By George W. Whistler
Centerville Correspondent
A mystery is evolving on Craigville Beach,
where workers restoring the beach after the
Centerville River dredging project unearthed a
bit of yesterday's news.
"It was tough to tell at first what we were
getting into because it was so soft," said
backhoe operator Skip Jorgenson. "Then one
of the guys called up, saying, "We've got a
'Barn.'"
The "Barn" in question was not of the farm
variety, but appeared to be a portion of the
Parody's front-page.
"I was just going to add it to the pile, but
something told me this was important ," Jor-
genson said.
He was wrong, but a team of reporters ,
photographers and delivery drivers was dis-
patched to the scene because it was a warm,
sunny day on the beach.
We were able to recover an unmolested
copy of the edition from a subscriber fortunate
enough to have remained on the mailing list.
The comparison was difficult because of the
deterioration.
"It's definitely a Parody," news pulp expert
Miller Papier said. "See how this corner wants
to curl right over? But we can't say from when
without a dateline."
Missing from any of the recovered cellulose
is such a dateline that could definitively iden-
tify the paper as part of the Feb. 3 run.
We consulted state archeological experts
to help date the paper, but the results were
inconclusive, at best.
"Why are you wasting my time with this?" an
irritated John DeSigh of the state archeologi-
cal board asked. "It's a lost paper from two
months ago. Don't call again."
We did some research and while this re-
mains speculation, we believe the paper could
have been intended for Centerville residents
Jim and Jane Dean. While there were a
number of delivery problems in the area, the
Deans only recently complained of a lack of
Parodys.
"We noticed it hadn't come in a while,
but figured it would get here eventually," an
overly-optimistic Jim Dean said.
Because it took so long for them to register
a complaint , Parody search crews were not
dispatched to the area at that time to recover
any errant deliveries.
We've come as far as available informa-
tion allows, but we'd welcome any additional
details readers may have on this mystery.
While we're at it, if anyone has seen the
continuation of the page 1 firing range clean-
up story from March 17, please call us. We'd
love to know where that went, too.
Project 'delivers' paper mystery
Plan to waste water
a flowing concern
For a village that wants to consider
itself apart from the rest of Barnstable ,
so too is its waste water plan.
The concept was brought to the vil-
lage from Harvard' s Osmosis Labora-
tory, run by A Lawrence Lowell family
decendant Howell Lowell
"We plan to flood the streets , yards
and sand paths of the village, wast-
ing as much water as possible ," Low-
ell said. "When it's absorbed into the
ground, the reall nasty stuff will be
diluted to safe levels."
Whether the village's water system
can produce the needed supply remains
a serious question , but there's a contin-
gency for that
"We want to support the village s
wastewater initiative ," said duped
Mashpee water commissioner Lynne
Trapp. When shown that there was
actually a space between "waste" and
"water" in the mutual supply contract
signed by her board, a still naive Trapp
said. "Oh, that must just be a typo."
When millions of gallons started flow-
ing through Mashpee and onto Cotuit's
streets , Trapp said that the cooperation
policy would need to be revisitied.
"That's the dumbest thing I've ever
heard," she said.
Villagers are also waking up to the
realities of the plan and to first-floor
flooding.
"We may need to rethink this," Lowell
acknowledged
i
Cotuit
Borromeo String
Quartet
to open season with
'Champagne Music'
By Ada Vistik
Cotuit Correspondent
With Cape arts organizations
ever moving toward cutting-edge,
in-your-face , epater-les-bour-
geoises fare , the leading expo-
nent of culture-forward experi-
ences is making an abrupt 180.
"It's no longer hip to be cool,"
Cotuit Center for the Arts direc-
tor James Wolf said at a press
conference. Eschewing his usual
black-on-black attire , Wolf wore
a plaid leisure suit that sported
a "Smile" button. "To quote Cole
Porter," he said , '"How strange
the change/From major to minor.'
We think changing from minor
back to major is going to be
stranger still."
Announcing significant altera-
tions at the Center on Route 28,
Wolf said that among the most
visible would be a giant outdoor
movie screen.
"Not only will we show whole-
some family fare such as Flubber
and The Sound of Music," he
said, "but we'll also have Sunday
drive-in services in cooperation
with the Federated Church of
Cotuit."
Another notable change will
be seen in the musical programs
presented at the Center, which
has hosted the Borromeo String
Quartet' s explorations of works
by Bela Bartok , John Cage, and
Arnold Schoenberg
i
"The purest union
of Eastern Euro-
pean and American
music in the last
century flowed
through the baton
of Lawrence Welk ,
the polka king, " said
Nicholas Kitchen,
artistic director
of the Borromeo.
"We 're not only
planning a season-
long retrospective of
his special Cham-
pagne Music, but
also the quartet will
be the house band
for wedding rentals
at the Center. "
Kitchen said his
group will welcome
guest soloists on ac-
cordion, pump organ,
'
and ukulele, and
added that a bubble-
making machine is
being installed above
the performance
space.
"But we're about
much more than
movies and music ,"
a newly animated
Wolf declared.
"Don't forget our fabulous art
gallery."
The first show in the Center's
renovated artspace, which fea-
tures a dropped Styrofoam ceiling
and bright fluorescent lighting,
will be a look back at one artist's
career.
"We thought long and hard
about who would personify our
shift away from the outre to the
warm, satisfying center," Wolf
said, "and we all agreed there
I
was only one man: Thomas Kin-
cade."
"Creating Inside the Lines"
opens April 1.
Perhaps the area in which the
Center was best known for taking
chances was its choice of theater
works. Wolf said the company will
lead the way again as it offers
an entire season of Neil Simon's
plays
"Doc just makes me laugh out
loud," said Cape theater mainstay
John Waiters , who will direct all
the plays. "I've seen Odd Couple
a hundred times, but now that
I think of it, I guess everybody
has."
"This is astonishingly good
news," said Cape Cod Cham-
ber of Commerce CEO Wendy
Northcross. "You can't believe
how hard it is to sell Eugene
O'Neill to Joe Sixpack and his
family from Quincy. If the Center
can make this work , I may have
to call back Mike Frucci to handle
marketing."
' .
Center for the Arts loses its edge
A conversation with
Waste Walter,
the refuse man
I _ _ _ _ l _ l _ * _ _ _ _] ¦ *! _l _ . —
in a wona or poor aicuon ana even
poorer homonyms, the village of Cen-
terville has turned to Waste Walter, the
refuse man, to deal with its wastewater
problems.
"I don't care much about wastewater,"
Walter said, "but I do care about my
village, so I'll give it a shot."
Walter was presented with the prob-
lem by Centerville Civic Association
president Paitrick Kerfuvle, himselfthe
past victim of bad pronunciation.
"The mid-wife was Australian , and the
lady filling out the paperwork just wrote
what she heard. That's why I'm Pait-
rick," he explained.
Kerfuvle was approached by Town
Hall to "address waste water," but the
chronic mumbling of beaten-down town
hall workers made it difficult to hear
exactly what was said.
"Yeah, it's my fault. God forbid they
write this stuff down," Kerfuvle com-
plained.
Be that as it may, village dump man
"Waste" Walter Worley may have come
up with a solution.
"You see, we have this great retain-
ing basin in Lake Wequaquet. If we
could introduce the right kind of plants
and algae, it could just take care of
itself," the refuse man said.
Actually, Walter has been experi-
menting at the lake for the past few
years, bringing in exotics such as texas
slime molds and fanwort to see if he
could improve water clarity.
He hasn't, and complaints about the
lake's murkiness have risen steadily in
the past two years.
"Just tell him to stop. It's plain aw-
ful," lakefront resident Clair Itty said.
Walter is not discouraged , though.
"I'm headed to Georgia next week
and I plan to bring back some kudzu
from the Okefenokee and a couple of
water-filtering snakes," Waste Walter
said. "Sure they're poisonous as all get
up, but that may be the price we have
to pay for clean water ."
Centerville