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THE MI CROBES.
But For Them All Green Plants Would
Vanish From the Earth. **
Few persona can realize at first
what an immense number and variety
of microbes there are not only around
us in the air and dust and water , but
also in us and on us and in and on
every living thing. The work , the
huge system of chemical change and
the circulation of the elements—car-
bon , oxygen, hydrogen , nitrogen and
Bulphur— which they carry on is In-
cessant, varied and complex. Those
five elements are the main and essen-
tial constituents of all living thin gs.
Supposing there were no microbes ,
there would be no putrefaction , no
breaking down of the dead bodies of
animals and plants which were once
alive into gas and substances soluble
In water.
They by a series of steps In which
different kinds of bacteria or microbes
are successively concerned convert
the proteids and the fats and sugars
of dead plants and animals into less
elaborate bodies , organic acids , aro-
matic bodies and other compounds
(some highly poisonous to mam. and
at last, when what were highly com-
plex combinations of hundreds of at-
oms in each molecule have been re-
duced by the action of first one and
the n of another kiud of microbe into
comparatively simple substances of
twenty or thirty atoms to the mole-
cule, the coup de grace Is given by
certain special microbes ', which con-
vert these later compounds into still
simpler combinations—namel y, ammo-
nia and nitrates , which are fairly sta-
ble, so that the whole elaborate chem-
ical fabric of living matter in a few
hours or days after death is broken
down until it reaches the stable "min-
eral" condition , pr actically carbonate
and nitrate of ammonia—s melling
Raits.
If there were no microbes this would
never occur. The earth would be
cumbered with the dead bodies of past
generations of animals and plants—u n-
decomposed. And very soon all the
organic elements, all the carbon and
nitrogen , if not all the hydrogen and
oxygen, on the face of the earth would
be, fixed in these corpses, and the
green plants would perish fro m the
whole world for want of sustenance ,
for it is the green plants which feed
on and absolutely must have as their
Jood the carbonic acid, ammonia and
nitrates into which the microbes re-
solve all living thin gs when dead, it
is the green plants which from those
simple compounds build up again the
more complex molecules, the sugars,
fats, albumens and proteids and pro-
vide for the nourishme nt and Increase
of the most complex of all—the living
matter hidden in protoplasm. —Sir Ray
Lankester in Londo n Telegraph.
That curious and now stereot yped
blunder of punctuation which gives
us "God rest you. merry gentlemen. "
as an inferio r substitute for the
quaint old greetin g, "God rest you
merry , gentlemen. " turns up regularly
every Christmas , it is a pity for the
ancient formu la to be thus perverted
since "God rest you merry " or "Rest
you merry " was a recognized form of
salutation in Elizabethan days and
may be found in the works of Shake-
spea re and of many contemporar y
i writers , while for the modern ized
form , which obscures the original
sense of the phrase , there is. of course ,
no autho ri ty whate ver. If any bne
will have the curiosit y to look up the
old Christ mas caro l which begins with
the words in question he will find
the m correctly punctuated. — London
World.
The Perverse Comma.
An intere sting fact, about Alaska n
glaciers is that some are "d ead" and
others are "alive. " Davidson glacier .
which_ is really a tong ue of the Muir
glacier , has been ascended by tra vel-
ers for a number of years. It is a dead
glacier , having a moraine of several
miles between it and the sea. Looking
at it from the boat , it represents a
kaleidosco pic appearance as the sun
shines upon it. and the surface seems
scratched with tiny pin lines. These
are in real ity deep crevices, which
must be approached caut iously, for
they are lurkin g pitfalls for the un-
war y.—Vancouver Providence.
Alaskan Glaciers.
Mau y years ago in England men
could easily be found to give auy evi-
dence upon oath that might be re-
quired , and some of these persons
walked openly in Westminster hall
with a stra w in one of their shoes to
signify they wanted employment as
witnesses. This was the origin of the
saying. "He is a man of straw. " But
the custom has high anti quity. A
writer in the Qua rterly Review says
that such were common in Greece.
A Man of Straw.
"Fog Eye" Smith of northwest Wyo-
ming bore an appalling facade . His
style of beauty was a blight Depend-
ing upon his horrific exterior , he was
in the habit of tryin g to awe newcom-
ers On one occasion, affecting some
displeasure at the mann er in which
a pallid stran ger watered his liquor ,
Mr Smith announ ced, frowning, that
unless he detected Jmmed iate amend-
ment he would send the neophyte
home in a market basket "Which I'll
sure tear you up a whole lot" said
Fog Eye.' Half an hour later Mr. Fog
Eye was found groping about on the
floor under the poker tabl e hunting
for his glass eye and mutt erin g to him-
self. The stran ger asked with some
evidence of impatience what new line
of sentiments Mr. Smith was now har-
boring That injured residen t, glar-
ing malevolently from beneath the fur-
nitu re, replied , "Wh ich I sure do hate
a man with no sense of humor. -
Argonaut.
No Sense of Humor .
The expres sion "water ed stock ,
which descr ibes so well the expansio n
of the stock of a company beyond the
ralu e of the propert y, originated it is
said in connection with Daniel Drew,
who was once the wealthi est and _most
unique manipulator in Wall street .
Drew had been a drover in his younger
days, and it was said of him that be-
?0re selling his cattle in the mar ket he
would first give them lar ge quan tities
£ salt to make them thirsty and then
orovide them with all the water they
could drta k in this way their weight
w^Tgrelt ly increas ed, and the pur-
rhasef
was buying "watered stock."
»I suffered hab itually from constip a-
SB-iWtJ 'Ba S"S S
SSwyaff tfS**
Oriain of "Wat ered Stock."
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• a*
I was working for small wages for a
safe and lock company. My work was
mending locks that had got out of or-
der and doing other odd jobs that re-
quired somi; knowledge of the busi-
ness. I was anxious to get my affairs
In shape to marr y my present wife, but
didn't see much prospect. The con-
cern I was with kept me tinkering all
the while, and when it wanted a man
to start a branch office or somethin g
like that it would choose one of the
clerks in the office.
I had gone home one evening and
had my supper when there was a ring
at the doorbell and a boy handed me
a note. It was written on a letter
head of a big manufacturing firm and
said that Mr * Partington , treasurer of
the company I worked for, had rec-
ommended me for a special job and
asked that I come around to the office
as soon as convenient.
• Stor y of a Man Who Made •
• a Little Fortune In I
• One Night. *
•• By REGINALD D. HAVEN. *
• Copyri ght, 1910, by American Press •
• Association. •
Catchin g up my tool bag, which 1
had brou ght home with me, I went
with the boy to the offi ce of the man-
ufacturin g company, pleased with the
prospect of making a tenner , and
found there a tall, handsomely dressed
man, with gray hair and mutton chop
whiskers , and two or three clerks sit-
ting on stools workin g over ponderous
books.
"Can you open that safe?" asked the
man with the gray whiskers. "We 've
got a lot of work to do here this even-
ing, and our cashier , who knows the
combinatio n, went out of town this
afternoon. "
I looked at the name of the maker
in gold letters on the safe, made my
observat ions and told the gentleman
that I didn't know any way to pick
the lock without drilling a hole where
I could get at the tumblers and that
would involve consider able expense to
put his safe in order again.
"Never mind the expense ," he said
Impatiently. "I' ve got to put in a bid
tomorrow on a hundred thousand rifles
for the army, on which I'll make half
a million. The specifications are all
in there. I must get them out and go
over them to see that they are right.
The slightest slip in any detail will
throw out my bid. Come; get to
work!"
I plunged my hand into my bag, got
out my brace and bits, adjusted them
and was soon at work.
Now, as I work ed it occurred to me
that here was the opportu nity of my
life. If this gentleman was dependent
for his half million on me to get him
into the safe, why shouldn 't I have
something more than a beggarly ten
dollar bill ? I saw that he was im-
patient and thought 1 might get an
offer to do the work within a given
limit of time.
"I' m afraid ," I said, "this is going
to be an all night job."
"See here , young man ," said the
gentleman , "is there anythin g you
want especially that costs a lot more
money than you've got?"
"Yes, there is," I replied. "I want a
girl."
"Oh , I can't give you a girl!"
"I could get the girl quick enough
if I had anything to marry on."
"H' m!" said the gentleman, biting at
my hook. "I see. How soon can you
guarantee to open the safe if it's made
worth your while to hurry?"
"Three- quarters of an hour. "
"Very well. If you'll do it in that
time I'll give you $3,000. If you do it
In thirt y minutes I'll make it $5,000."
"Give me a bit of writin g for that ,"
I said. And without waitin g for him
to do so I began to drill furious ly, my
racket making a terri ble sound.
"Mr . Perkins ," saTd the gentleman
to one of the clerks , "take the type-
writer and write to my dictatio n."
One of the clerks sat down at a
typewriti ng machine and wrote out a
contract to cover the agreeme nt made
with me. When it was finished the
gentleman signed it and gave it to me.
I wasn't going to be fooled, so I stop-
ped drilling and read it.
"Write at the botto m of it," I said,
"the money to be paid before the said
Thomas Jake away leaves this office."
He took the paper to his matib gany
desk and wrote what I required , while
I went on drillin g.
"Do you have to make all that
noise?" he snapped. "Can 't you put
some oil or something on your drill ?
They'll think outside there 's a bur-
glary going on in here. If they come
in to Investigate I'd have to explain,
and there 'd be a lot of delay."
"The faster I work ," I said, "th ev
more noise."
"Mr. Perkins , you go on typewrit ing.
Never mind what you write. Make,
anough clatter to drown this borin g."
"All right , sir." And the young man
J egan to pound the keys so hard that
I thought he would brea k something.
I was workin g like a beaver when
the gentleman came and stood over
me, watchin g me. Suddenly my brace
slipped , and as I was pressing , hard
against it In a stooping position I lost
my balance and fell against him.
Something dropped at my feet I pick-
ed it up and felt the soft smoothn ess
of wax. The gentleman snatched it
from me and without looking up at
him I readjusted my brace and went
to work again.
It is singular how quick the reason-
ing process will develop results in
one's brain. In less timeJhan it takes
to tell it I had made a deduction. This
"gentleman " was a fake. He was
made up to personate the head ef the
concern. He was wearing a wax nose.
I had joggled him. and it had fallen
off his face. Had I looked up I would
haTe seen him with his own natural
nose, but this would have betrayed the
fact that I had got on to his scheme.
He had purloined the letter head on
which he had written me, and his two
clerks were confederates.
I pretended to work all the faster
after this incident , but in realit y ac-
complished very little. I didn't dare
lessen the pressure of m/ bit on the
steel, for the diminut ion of noise
would have betra yed me, but I bored
to make the hole larger instead of
deeper. X cpuMbVt see my jaan ^Jace,
i How I Got i
j My Start !
but he was evidently at least partly
reassured. At any rate , he said noth-
ing.
And while I worked I thought!. Here
was I unwittin gly participating in a
burglar y. All other considerations
were lost in my horror of having to
share the punishment that these men
were likely to get in the end. My
whole mttWl was at once bent on out-
wittin g them. The moment they sus-
pected that I had got on to their
scheme I would be forced to continue
my work at the muzzle of a revolver.
What should I do? Anything I should
do to attract atte ntion without would
fall upon me as well as on the bur-
glars.
1 saw but one possible way of de-
featin g their purpose. That was to fin-
ish the drillin g, get at the tumb lers
and put them so out of gear that to
get them in order again would require
taking out the whole apparatus. On
this course I resolved.
Having come to a decision, I was
anxious to get through as soon as pos-
sible, fearing as much as they that we
might be caught in the act. I there-
fore worked with all my vigor, the
typewriter pounding the while. My
employer , seeing that I was doing my
best, seemed to regain any confidence
he might have lost by his mishap.
"You're all right, young man. You're
sure to win. Ten minutes, yet to make
your $5,000. I'll do better. I'll make
it $1
0,000."
He didn't need to make it $10,000 to
induce me to hur ry. If any one should
interrupt the proceedings I didn't see
how I would escape the penitentiar y.
So I worked as hard as I could, but in
order to inspire confidence 1 pur posely
lost the $10,000 by two minute s.
"That' s all right," said the chief in
response to my look of disappoint-
ment. "Two minutes don't make any
difference to a man who will make
as much out of your work as I will.
I'll give you the whole amount. Now
open the door. "
"The most important work yet re-
mains ," I replied. "These tumblers are
complicated affairs. If I get them out
of gear I'll lose this fortune and my
girl too."
"Well, be careful ," he said anx-
iously.
Meanwhile my brain had been as
busy as my hands. I saw that more
depended on my deceiving them than
in throwing the lock out of gear. If I
could persuade them to give up their
job without my throwin g the lock out
of gear it might help me in the story
I would tell after all was over. I
worked on for awhile , then let a piece
of steel in the lock drop in its place
with a click. With an exclamation
and an assumed look of Horror I turn-
ed toward the meu.
"What is it?" cried the chief.
"I' ve done it."
"What?"
"I couldn 't open it now- if you'd give
me a million. I've lost ! I've lost!"
"I believe you're fooling," said the
man.
He called the two "clerks " together
for a consultation. I knew very well
that they were discussing the feasibil-
ity of forcin g me at the point of a pis-
tol to go on. I also saw from their ex-
pressions that two of them believed
my story and the third was doubtful.
Finally the two convinced the third,
and the chief , approachin g me, said :
"You've done the best you could, and
I'm sorry you've lost your prize. If
you'll come around in the mornin g I'll
make you a hands ome present. I can't
do it now because all the money is in
the safe. You can go now. Goodby ."
v I thanked him, picked up my bag
and was about to leave when the man
who had doubted by sincerity ap-
proached the chief excitedly and said :
"You don't mean to say you're going
to let him go out first and send cops
in here after us."
From this point they threw off all
idea of deceiving me. The leader said
to me: "You stay here for ten minutes.
Ten minutes— do you hear? One of us
will be waiting outside , and if you
come before ten minutes you're a dead
man. See?"
I feigned to be very much astonished
and frightened and told them I would
stay as long as they wished. Then
they turned out the lights and went
away. I knew their ten minutes for
me to stay didn 't mean anything, and
after I was satisfied they , were off I
went out myself and in a dru g store
looked up the residence of the presi-
dent of the compan y. Then I went to
Ms house and told him the whole sto-
y, handin g him my written promise of
,,5,000 if I opened the safe within a
given time. The next day he gave me
a check for the $10,000 I had been
promised verball y. There was $200,000
In the safe.
It is needless to say that I got mar-
ried , furnished a house plainly and
had plenty left to set up in business in
the hardware line, makin g locks, elec-
tric bells, etc., a specialty.-1 am now
well off and the father of six children.
"I despise a hypocrite ," says Boggs.
^
"So do I," says Cloggs. "Now , take
Knoggs, for example. He's the biggest
hypocri te on earth. 1 despise that
man."
"But you appear to be his best
friend. " , _,,
"Oh , yes. I try to appear friendly
toward him. It pays better in the end."
The Fina l Tra nsaction.
"Father ," said little Rollo, "what is
the ultima te consumer ?"
"He is the last person , my son, that
an artic le reach es in its commercial
existence." t
"I know what you mean. Hes a
man who goes into a hotel and orders
chicken hash."-Washlngton Star.
Queer Men.
"Some men are so queer !"
"And you are going to tell me cf one
particularly queer one."
"Yes. It's Mr. Barberto n. His wife
used to beg him for nickels and dimes,
and now he's cheerfu lly paying her a
hundred a week for alimony."—Cleve-
land Plata Dealer.
Fearless. \
"Whitc omb is an independe nt think-
er." '
"He isr '
"Yes; he even dares to say the cIock
in the railroad station is wrong."—
Buffalo Express.
Dying to Tell.
"Jac k, Dolly told me the most excit-
ing secret and made me swear never
to tell a living souL"
"Well, hurr y up' with It I'm late
for the office now."
His 8Utus.
"Well, my little man," inquired a
visitor pleasantl y, "who are your
«Tm the baby's brot her," was tba
Ingenuousreply.—TruthSeeker. /
HvDoer ites.
In 18G3 1 was with the cavalry In
the Army of the Potomac. I confess 1
never made a good soldier. 1 was too
fond of an irre gular life. I could never
be disciplined. When the command
was asleep I would be off on some ad-
venture. There was a southern girl
south of us, her home being most of
the time within the southern lines,
who captivated my youthful fancy, and
I was constantl y absent without leave
visiting her.
On one occasion I would surely have
been captured by some Confederates
who called at the house had she not
put me upstairs in one of the bedrooms .
There I found some citizen 's clothin g
and , putting it on, went down and
mingled with the soldiers.
I gained some very important infor-
mation from them about the enemy's
movements , for I passed myself off for
a redhot Confederate. They belonged
to Jubal Earl y's command and told me
that they were the advance of his
force, intendin g to sweep around in
. i
; A Stor y of How President ',
Lincoln Rectified an
', Injustice. !
> —— '
? By JOHN JOYCE.
? '
> Copyright , 1910, by American Press •
? Association.
. A A A A A A
^ A A A A A A A A A A A A
^ A A A A
our rear.
As soon as they had gone I rode
away to my general and told him what
I had heard. He sent out orders with
a view to defeat their pur pose, then
said to me:
"I' ve been wonderi ng for some time
where I could get a man like you. I
want some one for secret service work.
I can get plenty of hired spies, but I
dare not trust them. They will take
my money to bring me informat ion
and take the Confederates ' money to
brin g them information. But from
what you have told me you're Just the
man for secret service work. Most
men have a dread of being caught in
citizen's clothes, with the penalty of
swinging. You don't seem to mind the
risk at all. Now, I wish you to go
down on our left and find out what
the enemy is about down there. I
have reports that there is no force in
that region at all, and I have reports
that the enemy is concentratin g there.
,Can't you go at once?"
"Yes, general ," I said . "Shall I re-
port your orders to my captain?"
"You were absent without leave on
this little expedition , weren 't you?"
"Yes, general. "
"Well , you can continue absent with-
out leave. If you report to your cap-
tain the men will know that some-
thin g is up in your case and talk it
over. I don't like any talk at all about
secret service work. Besides, if you
do well I shall make a regular secret
service man of you, attaching you to
these headquarters."
"Won 't my comrades think I have
deserted? I've always been in trou-
ble with my caiptain—my own fault ,
of course , because, being of a roving
disposition , I always objected to regu-
lar duties. "
"That' s just what I wish them to
think of you. It will keep them from
thinking anything else."
"But, general, if I should come back
^nto our lines and not find you to
vouch for me"—
"I'll fix that. "
He sat at a table and scratched off
an order attachin g me to his headquar-
ters and handed it to me.
"The re," he said, "do what you like
with that. But don't get caught with
it on you in the enemy's lines or it will
hang you."
I took the paper , put It in the lining
of my hat and , with a godspeed from
my commander , rode away into the
darkness .
The first thin g for me to do was to
get citizen 's clothes. I could do this
and see my glr.l again at the same
time. So I rode straigh t to the house
where she lived with her mother , a
widow, and a family of younger chil-
dren. I awaken ed the household and
told the girl that I wanted the cloth-
ing I had found upstairs and which
she had told me belonged to a brother
of her mother 's who lived with them,
but who was now in General Jackson 's
arm y. Both mother and dau ghter were
rebels and wouldn 't have given me" the
clothes had I not told them a cock and
bull story about Confederates being
after me. As soon as I was rigged out
as a Virginia farmer , leaving my horse
in their bar n and my uniform in the
garret of the house, I marched away
on foot in a southwesterly direction to-
ward the region I was to look into.
I had no sooner reached It than I
saw Indications of an important move
on the part of the Confederates. The
location was swarmin g with troops.
My object was to return at once and
report the fact to the general , but
there were several thin gs about me to
lead them to suspect me. I couldn't
talk like a southerner , didn't look or
act like a southerner and told contra-
dictor y stories about my antecedents.
Seeing that they were uncertain about
me, I told them that what I most
wished for was to fight for Dixie. So
they enlisted me. and I thought I was
all right. I was so fearful of being
accused of desertion on my return that
I kept the general' s order concealed
under the thin leather strip inside and
over the sole of my boot, but as soon
as I was suspected I hid it under a
stone, markin g the spot carefull y.
I found myself marching with the
very force I had come to spy upon
against the very general who had sent
me. There was a series of barue a,
-with much slaughter on both sides. I
watched for a favorable opportunit y
to regain my own comrad es, but"none
occurred. The truth is my captain
was watching me. At last the whole
brigade to which I belonged waa sur-
rounded and captured.
I realized that I was in a precarious
situat ion. All depend ed upon my com-
munica ting with the general who bad
sent me on my mission. What was
my horror to learn that he had been
killed to one of the recent battles.
All now depended on my not being
recognized, but this hope failed me,
for an enlisted man who knew me
was one of our guard. He saw me
and informed my captain. The cap-
tain came to see me, took me away
from the Confedera tes and preferred
char ges against me for desertion and
fighting against the United States.
The battles were ended for the time
being, and a court marti al to try me
was speedily convened. There could
'VWWV-
*?????????? WWWWWWWW
^ ^f
The Wise :
Jud ge
be no greater offense in an army than
th e double one of desertion aud l>e-
Ing captured with arms In one's haiuls
on the other side.. 1 told my story.
and. as I expected, it was not believed.
My captain 's testim ony against me
was very dama giug. 1 spoke of the
general' s written order , which I had
hidden within the enemy's Hues, but
it was regarded as a clumsy device.
I was convicted and sentenced to be
shot. I petitioned for a stay of execu-
tion of the sentence till I could have
opportunit y to secure the hidden or-
der , but there had been a great deal
of deserti on, and I and several others
were to be made summar y examples
for the arm y.
Whenever I hear people talkin g
abeut "Jus tice" aud the difficulty of
punishiug crime on account of too
much sentimentalism It makes me
shudder. I was to be shot for serv-
ing my country only too well. Aud
now at the end of half a century I
look back with reverence to two peo-
ple (one of whom was instrumental in
saving me and the other saved mei as
representatives of that class who would
govern by kindliness and mercy rat her
than on principle. These two were
my mother and President Lincoln,
himself a mart yr struck down by oue
who madly looked upon him as a
tyrant.
Upon inquiry I learned that Presi-
dent Lincoln alone possessed the par-
doning power, but that the generals
who wished to maintain discipline in
the army were doing all they could to
prevent his exercising this prerogative
in the cases of deserters. So I did not
thfnk it worth while to make an ap-
plication. 1 wrote my mother of my
situation , assurin g her of my inno-
cence, but telling her that I had little
hope that I would escape a disgrace-
ful death.
The poor old lady was advised by
friends of President Lincoln's kind
heart, and she left her quiet home to
go to Washin gton to try to force her
way, as she was told she would have
to do, throu gh officials and doorkeep-
ers, with the hope that she might se-
cure just ice—real justice—from the
head of the nation.
When she reached the capital she
knew not what to do. so she followed
a simple method that suggested itself
to her. She wrote the president that
she had come to Washin gton to ask
him to see Justice done to her soldier
son, that his life might be spared for
his country and for her. In a nomely
way she wrote the story, embodyin g
the main points that 1 have given aud
asking th,at my execution might be de-
ferred till 1 could secure the hiddeu
order. When she had finished her let-
ter , not doubtin g In her innocence that
she would be accorded an Interview
with the president, she mailed it.
Withiu forty-eight hours a note came
from one of the preside nt' s private
secretaries stat ing that Mr. Lincoln
would see her the next day at 12 noon.
Alternatin g between hope and despair ,
she went to the White House at the
appointed hour. When she was ush-
ered into the president 's private room
he was sittin g at a desk , while his
two little boys were climbing all over
him. My mother said afterward that
they remind ed her of the Lilliputians
climbing over Gulliver. Mr. Lincoln
rose—he was so tall that she thou ght
he would never cease rising—and. tak-
ing her by the hand , led her to a seat.
"I have called for the papers In the
case of your son." he said, "and had
them examined and a report made to
me. I have Issued an order for a stay
of execution until such time as a
search can be made of the location
where he hid his order. Meanwhile he
Is to be retu rned to duty."
My mother looked upon the result as
still dependent upon findin g evidence
that would prove me Innocent. Hut
she was soon informed that it was
equivalent to dropping the case against
me. I was far more delighted with it
than I would have be»n with a pardon.
The moment I heard It i niuae a vow
that I would go through fire and smoke
to secure that order and would send'
It to the wisest of human judges , who
had given me my life and an oppor-
tunity to prove his wisdom.
On being retu rned to duty I applied
to my captain for permission to go on
a hunt for my evidence. He told me
to put my request in writ ing and be
would forward It. 1 did so. and my, pe-
tition came back with the coveted per-
mission indorsed on It. Disguising
myself, I again risked my life by going
tmong Confederates and made strai ght
for the stone unde r which I had hid-
den my paper. I found It. thou gh
dampened and blurred , still legible.
Then I made my way safely back to
camp.
From having been considered a de-
serter I was suddenly elevated to the
position of a very daring fellow. I sent
my order to President Lincoln and re-
ceived a reply in hlu own handwriti ng.
What became of the southern girt ?
Oh, she's my old woman!
Norah—W hy do you call me your
jewel, Patrick?
Officer Clancy—Beka se your eyes
sparkle lolke dimond s. your teeth are
loike pearls , aud even your voice has
an emerald , ring to it-Brow ning's
Magazine.
Punch.
Said a. bibulous chap from the south
in a state ot perpetual drouth ,
"It surely seems droll
That a punch In the bowl
Should be ever worth two In the mouth!"
—New Srorit Times.
Osculation.
Bus—To kiss.
Re-bus—To kiss again.
Omni-b uB—To kiss all the girls Id the
room.
B pluri-bus unum—A thou sand kiss-
es In a line.—LJ ppincott' s.
Pessimism. •
The springtime wUI ere long appear.
' What futile hopes we often nurse!
The storms which now seem so severe
In March will probabl y be worse!
-Washin gton Star.
No Middleman .
Hewitt—Don't you ever go to a doc-
tor?
Jewett—No. sir. "When I get read y
to do business I shall do it direct witb
the undert aker. No middleman for
me.—Sunday Magazine.
Lack of Confidence.
'One reason why 1 must abhor
The meat trust , 1 regret.
, Is that It will not trust ma for
The meat I'd like to get.
-Christian Science Monitor.
Anxious About Firs tborn.
"1 guess we'd bett er weigh the
youngster."
"Bat yon weig
hed him only twent y
minutes ago. old fellov."
"Wen , maybe he's gained a little."—
.Washin gtonHerald.
^
_^. /,_.
f
*
Blarne y.
THE TIME IS AL MOS T IIEKE FOB
8 P R .I 3V O S H O E S
WE HAVE MAN Y SEW ONES IN.
SOROSIS , MAY * AIRS and GROVEKS E asy Shoes, Men 's W. L. DOUGLAS ,
RALSTON and KNDICOTT JOHN SON CO., all feincl e and styles solid leather.
We make a specialty ot Boys and Girls rnd little Children 's Shoes. Prices are away
down on these.
FIR ST-OL.A5S REPAIRING Oak Lcafli i'r and Kromclk
TOT. H. BARTLEi TT
Cash Bloek. Telephone. 16-1-2 I1YANN1S , H AK *.
HAVE YOU SEEN THE LATEST
EYE GLASSES?
THE ATLAS SHUR -ONS |
The Neatest, Most Comfortable and
yet Most Durable of all Eyeglasses.
Designed for ;and Soldj Only by
BROWN-O ptician
•206 Union Street
KKW UEDFU HD, MASS.
Where you always get Hie bent of
everything; optical.
RESERVE HORSES FOR WAR
Switzerland' s Method of Preparing For
Rap id Mobilization.
In Switzerland tbe state is part own-
er of horses used by reserves. It pur-
chases a remount at three and a half
years ©Id, and the soldier pays half
the cost of the horse to the govern
ment , together with the dlffe reuce be-
tween Its cost and the price that the
horse fetches at auction , for all horses
are sold by auction to the men.
After every year of trainin g the gov-
ernment refunds one-tenth of the orig-
inal half cost to the man , and at the
end of ten years the horse becomes
the absol ute property of the soldier.
In this manner the soldier is not only
always well mouuted. but as he keeps
his horse with him at his home his
mobilization problem Is of the simplest
nat ure.
The avera ge price of these Swiss
troop horses is about £45, says Baily's
Magazine , and as most of these horses
are imported from Ireland aud north
German y their price is considerably
higher than it would be in Groat Brit-
ai n. Thus the state secures the serv-
ices of a horse for an annual outlay
of about £4 10s. But there are certain
other expenses which must be includ-
ed in this estimate, such as the cost of
the establish ment for remou nt depots ,
etc.. which raises the total cost of
horses for the Swiss government to
about £8 12s. a year.
ROADS IN CHINA.
They Are Narrow and Crooked and
Edged With Ditches.
The Chinese road is private prop-
erty , a stri p taken from somebody 's
laud. This is done much against the
will of the owner , since he not only
loses the use of it, but also still has to
pay taxes on it.
One consequence is that it Is wide
enough for only one vehicle, and cart s
can pass one another only by tres pass-
ing on the cultivated land. To prevent
this the farmers dig deep ditches by
the roadside. As the sur face wear s
away and the dust blows off it gradu
ally grows lower , and after aw hile it
becomes a. drain for the surroundin g
fields. A current forms in the rainy
season , which still further hollows it
out, and thus has arisen the proverb
that a road a thousand years old be-
comes a river.
Those whose lands are used for
roads natur ally prefer to have the
roads run along the edge - of their
farm s instead of cutting across them,
and this accounts for the fact that
Chinese roads are often so crooked
that one may have to go a considerable
distance to reach a place that 1b in re-
ality but a few miles away. This al-
ways interests the stranger.
A Brooklyn magistrate recentl y had
four darkies who were caught in a
gambling raid before him. The first
of the lot to be brought to the bar was
an undersized man , with a comical
face as black as night. The dialogue
between the magistrate and the pris-
oner created some merrime nt in the
court.
"What is your name?" inquired the
magistrate sternly.
"Mah name's Smiff," replied the
dark y.
"What Is your profession ?"
"I's a locksmiff by trade , sah."
"Wh at were you doing when the po-
lice broke into the room last night?"
"Jud ge, 1 was pursuin ' mah profes-
sion. I was makln * a bolt for the
door."
"Officer ," said the magistrate , with
a merr y twinkle in his eye, "lock
Smith up."—New York Tribu ne.
Only Pursuing His Profession.
NewYork&Boston
DESPATCH
Express Company
Incor porated June IO1I1 , l§73.
under the Laws of Massachusetts.
Express illniter Porwunl cil
on Pas seiig'T Trains under
the care ol experienced iflcs-
senicers.
BOSTON UFFiL'KS.
Piineiiml Olllci-s.lOti-lOH A rcli St., .fc 'J" OtiH Si.
I'.ninch Offices—
Exmuss HUIk.. Smith Station , '•!!• Washington 51
SUM rruImiilH How , 83 I'"ilend St.,
41)^ Doylst uii St., 3H Court Si|..
17 l»roviilru«x*St., 71 Ki ngston St.
121 Wuicr St.
NEW VUKK OFFICKS.
^lain Oilier , l'ier 70, Knot ltivur, foot L'liil St
Ji nmcli unices—
i!57 M mciT 8t., lil M Sixth Avi\,
05 Fifili Avu. i<:i (Ji.lil St.,
Mill MuMim I.iino, Kiii Uroaliy St.,
1-J3PliBC".
' St., 45 Oli uruli Kt.,
Pier N«. 1!> Nil ItWi'i , Pior Xu.41) Xn. Itivor
304 ! >\ V I C « l , M ass*.
,i; fomiuunications to Obxcr -
A '" TiYu-li Ma ss. Mak e all check B
f r> , , .-ran Observes Publishin g
j iiiyi' 11''
l'o. "
^i -,{) per year in advance. Si*
'^"im'V.il is. 7.~> cents. No postage.
, .,.,.,i u - ilii> Post Offlre In Sandwich (
\« mh'oihI I'll"*" Matter. 1 j
JOB PRINTIN G
OF EVERY DESCRIPTION
Neatly and Prom ptly executed
at oar Byannis
Steam Printing
Establish ment
On I lie Most Reasonable Terms
We have the most modern type and ma-
chinery and are prepared to do all
kinda of printing, sucb as
Po&terB , Flyers , Weddiug Cn.da , Letter
%ud Bill Heads , Cards UiicnlarB ,
Pampb' etB , Programme *,
Etc., Etc , Etc.
vSr SEND IN YOUR ORDER S
A Fi iii -ii surgeon who was once at-
tendini: » sulta n resorted to an expe- (
£ie:it wliich . altho ugh efficacious. ,
miirbt have resulted In his own death.
Hp ti;id bepii commissioned to bleed !
the ^
-rand seignior and either through
timidity or uer% -ousness had met with
an awkward accident. The point of
the lancet broke off In the vein, and
the bl.xd would not flow. That point
must be got out. somehow. Without
stopping to consider the consequences
to himself , the surgeon gave his hlgh-
cp=s a violent slap in the face. This
prod uced the desired effect, for sur-
prise aud indignation on the part of
his august patient put the blood Into
violent circulation The vein bled
freely , and the lancet point came out.
The bystande rs wore about to lay
hands on the surgeon when he said.
"First let me finish the operation and
bandage the wound " This done, he
threw hi mself nt the feet of the sultan
and explained his action
The sultan not only pardoned him.
but gave him a hands ome reward for
keeping his wits abo ut him In a crit-
ical moment.
A Quick W itted Doctor.
iiBICAN CLOTHING HOUSE
H ""5T -A.JXT 3XTIS
$ew we offer you a benefit
T
111. 1:1- ^
no bette r time than just now for us to
give our
ru-iuinors , and any body else's customers , a special benefit
I 1Vii::. 'iii!.r pome of our prices on these fine clothes that you know J
', |,.\\i ' hove, and that we know you want.
They're Hart Schaffnsr & Marx Clothes
\\'v\\ wo lioii'in U* offer such goods as Hart Schaffner & Marx
t, -,\:A d\ oroiuits, and othe r good things to wear , at under prices ,
'' understand t lv.it it's a very special occasion. The value is in
iu. o.hU just as much as it ever was ; the change in the price
>Y !v im-voa^o? the value of your investment ; you get greate r
n-uans tov if. nu.ro value.
We've billing to give you this added value ; if you
nowv iii.uiriit Hart Schaffner & Marx clothes before it
wili be :'. iv>l(-l w:iy to got acquainted with them .; the
oxi'i 'vioiKv will be the most valua ble one you ever had
iu i/let!ie.-: it will make you a solid convert to the best
fl rlhe? on eart h.
[f run nve a wearer of Hart Schaffner & Mai x clothes you're
•niiit il ls ::ivoailv a customer of ours ; we're glad to give you a little
I'xira i »i ilie good-wiH we feel to you and that you feel to us.
Wo wii! .-ell overcoats and suits that have been $30 at $18.
Th >-e tha i Have been $25 at $15.
Th.j -i ' :hat have been unde r $20 at $12.
It 's a -re it chance to get into good clothes. You'll find also a very
exiv i k-nt chance to ge
't acquainted with some unusual values in
fuvni-iii i'i-'s. We intend to clear up our stock of fine shirts ,
nee!;>\v;iv. hosi ery, etc., at prices that will make you open your eyes
!imi \ ..mr [Hicketb ook. We've got a lot of very fine stuff here to
-ell : and it 's all of it such as }
rou want. Look over these prices,
ami --i-e it you don't.
Wo :il.-o off er the same redu ction in ladies' and misses' coats and
.
•>;ii i.- .
This stove is the home of Hart Schaffner & Marx clothes.
LOUI S AR E NOVSKI
l.nns Distance T leplione 15-3 Local 3 11
F O R S-A-Xji E*
'•-%^ > " .*£^>£it^1^$£J$«HbSSt¦Oft^^^ B^^^^ HBH^^ElO^^ul^l^^^^^ RijI^^^^^^^^^^^^ ll^^ll^^^^^ yitfra *iSri^^ *
T H E ES Ij I^ ®
BARNSTA BL E
Th. re8id8nce of the ,ate fbankl in B. GOSS, conslating
^¦
J ^T
f o
r
"
to
J« J
some u rooms , ample olo.efc, roomy halls .nd wWj PU«£ gtom^
11» barg ain to settle tne estate. ThU ptoee is near railroad «« ,
offl#e >
'Woanded by .fine growth of treea. Ten minutes walk to salt «' j imo0 i0.
*¦ W9 stable an(fplenty ol roO!B for carr iages and .ntos. Corr . P .
F/p. . i >. :s.
i SANDWICH.
jl^fWill be in
Cotuit , opposite Santui
House , od tbe First and Third Tuesday*
of each month ; iti Sagamore every Wed-
\ tesday.
OfMfe taourrt. S to 12, 1 to 4 .
Telephone , 32-4.
I We Are Here to
I Do Your Printing
Vi We Have a Lar ge Assortment jf
\l of Type Ready to Serve You IV
WE PRI NT |
What You Wan t, f i
The Way You Want It /
- And When You Want It II
¦
r ] \ |. P. t. A P. P. OO««. PR1NTER6, HYANNI* MAtf.
Nobody can live long in the world
and not admit that the words "noth-
ing for noth ing" contain a sad amount
of truth. He is of course a fool who
does not count the cost so far as the
future is concerned , but scarcely less
a fool is he who does not overlook past
costs. If we have any good or de-
lightful thin g in this life, at all haz-
ards let us not taint our enjoy ment by
considerin g what wo gave for it Was
It more than we could afford? Never
mind. We have afforded it; we have
made our purchase. Let us take off
the ticket with the price and burn the
receipt There are items in life's
ledger which must be overlooked un-
less we would spend all our days
in balancin g closed accounts. —Londo n
Spectator.
The Art of Overlooking.
- Korea ns wuri- i|Uick to quarrel In
ancien t days and won a bad reputat ion
on this account. At oue time, a histo-
rian explains , fa tal quarrels became so
frequent In the country that drastic
measures were necessary. A law was
promul gated orderin g adult males to
wear on all occasions a china head-
dress shaped like an Inverted flower-
pot. It was Impossible to fight when
crowned with this fragile gear, and
the pena lties for removing It were se-
vere. The first offense entailed fifty
blows on the soles of the feet, and the
second meant decapitation. Thi s de-
cree had the most soothing effects,
the nature of the inhabit ants changed
as if by magic, and Kore a was called
the Land of the Morning Calrn
^
Cha nged the Koreant.
GeiienlO Kicnl Nolcs ol It iirn-
sluble Families
being h reprint of Ibe
Amos Otis Papers
from the
BABNST4BLE PATUIOT
la Two V o l u m e s
BOUND IN ONE
"Genealogical Notes of Biirnstable Families '
is a reprint of tbe Aiiioh Utis papers , originally
published in the Biinmtable Patriot , now rev lneU
by C. i\ Swift , two volumes In one. (F. B. 4
K. P. (joss, Barnstuble , publishers.) Nowhere
else in to bo found a more accurate or clever
picture of colonial lite than in these papern .
.lust how the first whit es lived, how the Indians
lived, tbe relations between the settlors aud the
aborigines , cuurch and family history, are all
set forth , not , ot course, In sequence , but with
photographic verit y. To those whose ancestors
were among the lirst settlers of Barustab le the
book will have an additional and sacred value.
And all readers will feel deeply grateful to the
author for the industr y which has produced a
most striking picture of tho founding of an em-
pire .—Boston Globe .
The price for both Volumes (780 Pages)
bound in one , cloth binding, f5.00.
Copies will be forw arded by maU on
receipt of price and 25c additiona l for
postage.
Address
V. 11.A F. P. <>OSS, Publisher *
Hyannis , Mass