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February 3, 2006     Barnstable Patriot
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February 3, 2006
 
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A&E LIGHTHCm*6 . . . A B E A C O N F O R A R T S & E N T E R T A I N M E N T O N C A P E C O D r^ldi f» iKsTdi \ ' ^r ^RiMi^BWA __k P ¦ K: i f _V__ I _L^__^.__ ^k SB- ^ ^ .v B J ^^ c_r*__ _M__I By John Walker arts@barnstablepatnot.com Fog is one of nature 's greatest mysteries. No one is sure where it comes from or where it goes. The devastation fog wreaks is unimagi- nable: from delayed flights to bad hair, fog shows no mercy. Fog is.... oh forget it, even lying can't make fog that interesting. Fog epitomizes nature's wimpy side. On the wimp-ometer it ranks slightly below light drizzle, which itself ranks about five notches below slightly breezy. What could make fog more threat- ening? Monsters? Drunken circus midgets with a penchant for mime? Kittens playing with a ball of blue yarn? Michael McDonald singing his greatest hits? How about leper ghosts? No, wait; that is just plain ridiculous. Let's stick with drunken circus midgets juggling kittens while performing Michael McDonald songs. Let's leave the ghostly lepers to the makers of The Fog. The lepers in question set sail in 1871 with a fortune in gold to buy half of Antonio Island. Unfortunately, the residents of Antonio Island have other ideas and set fire to the lepers' boat and steal their fortune. Here are afew other notable things that happened in 1871: British Co- lumbia became the sixth province of the Dominion of Canada. Chicago faced its most tragic event when it fell victim to the great fire of 1871. The first roll of toilet paper was introduced. Now, what do those three random facts have to do with The Fog? Well, The Fog is about as exciting as Brit- ish Columbia becoming Canada's sixth province; you'llwishyou could throw a copy of The Fog into the great Chicago fire; and toilet paper is closely associated with what this movie is full of. Who says that there are no good films being released today? Probably the same people who said it back in 1980when John Carpenter'soriginal The Fog was released. Fresh off the success of his hit horror filmHalloween,Carpenter de- cided to branch out and try to direct amusical comedy about podiatrists, lighthouses and Wilfred Brimley on roller skates. As Mr. Brimley was unavailable , he next opted for a stupid exercise in horror about the vengeance-seeking ghosts of aleper colony whose ship was run into reefs by the very people who had taken their money and offered land free from persecution. The original Fog starred Hal Hol- brook , Jamie Lee Curtis and Adri- enne Barbeau as the sexy DJ of the local lighthouse radio station. Who can forget the thrilling horror of the 1980 original as Barbeau listens for hours to the station's ID bumpers? But for all the stupidity packed into the 1980 original, it still had the benefit of the superb directing talents of John Carpenter. Unfortu- nately, the same cannot be said for this tepid remake. The newversion starsTomWelling as a small-time charter boat captain. Inthisrole, Wellinghas all of the cha- risma of a soggy Saltine.Losi'sMag- gie Grace stars as his girlfriend who returns to AntonioIsland after being besieged by dreams of adoomed ship that was burned at sea. Luckily for the audience, the cap- tain has a wacky first matewho bor- rows his boat with a friend and two hot girls. They quickly become the first victims of the leper ghosts, who have an affinity for throwing their victims through glass windows. Luckily again, the nutty first mate survives only to be accused of the brutal crime. Perhaps the video camcorder that they left running during the murders can clear him of the crime. Whoops, the sea captain's brain-dead girlfriend drops it into the ocean after she inexplicably falls in as well. There are all sorts of plot holes and abandoned ideas scattered through- out this film. Are the ghostly lepers seekingvengeance against those with a direct bloodline to the men who killed them or just anyone who gets in their way? The answer fluctuates between "yes,""no"and "maybe, but not really." . There is also an eccentric beach- comber who warns everyone of the danger to come, but in one of the dumbest scenes in recent motion picture history, he ignores his own advice and is drowned after following a rope into the sea. There is the shattered truck win- dow of the sea captain that magically appears whole againinthe next scene. There is the DJ, who despite getting into a head-on collision with a truck, rolls sideways down a hill into the water.Sheescapesthe water,finds her son and goes from being drenched to dry in the course of one scene. These are the reasons that I hate The Fog. It does not care enough to bother with continuity,logic or story development . It does not try to ex- pand or make new the original source material. It does not care about the audience. It only cares about cashing in on the original. The Fog is a huge disappointment. I do love horror films and do have a healthy respect for Carpenter 's direction of the original Fog, but this remake is beyond bad. If you are looking for a good scare, don't rent this dud. Library Pick: Aliens A great horror film , a great action film. James Cameron'sAliens is afine example of how to make a sequel. New ideas, expansion of themes presented in the original and a fine cast of actors all serve to make this a great film. If you are in the mood for a terrific film that epitomizes all that the limp remake of The Fog is not, head over to the Whelden Public Library and check out Aliens today. The Fog An invitation from the Cape CodCommunity Media Center For 16 years, the Cape Cod Com- munity Media Center has been an education and technology resource for the communities it serves. In all that we do, our goal is to promote a free exchange of information and ideas by providing residents with the tools, education and means to share their message - whatever it may be - with those living in their community. As a member of the Cape Cod Community Media Center, you have access to ongoing video production training. These courses provide you with the building blocks to commu- nicate your message with modern media technology. The art of video production is de- veloped through training and experi- ence. Our qualified and professional staff members are available to you throughout your learning process as teachers and mentors. Five-Week Field Production Feb. 28th - March 28th Five-week course, Tuesday nights 6:30 p.m. to 9 p.m. Learn the basics of "in the field" video production and beyond in this 5-week course. For more information, call the media center at 508-394-2388. Z\)t Jfarngtable patriot values our subscribers. That 's why we are happy to offer Rose I. Capelle Of Hyannis a real value: an additional 4 months FREE it she calls within the next seven days. To become a patriot subscriber call 508-771-1427 HHSj IWMWIHIWB rr^EffJP! M SK _L*A.T IW*.H I ftyl'1L* L^r^B^^^^^^^^^ B^B^BiiifliiMiiMMHMBBMMMwB^ . _ _^__________________________ : _ - _ . ^' . . ' . . . '. TIME SUN. MON. TUES. WED. THURS. FRI. SAT. 8:00 AM DeliveranceHour Democracy Now' Democracy Now! Democracy Now1 Democracy Now! Democracy Now! BulletinBoard 8:30 AM 9:00 AM TBA GreaterGrace FollowYour Heart Joyful Creations *ffj » Living Waters From Kenya To 9:30 AM TBA Undemanding Presents The Great Gadfly Cape C °d They SoldTheir Soulsto 10-00 AM E| Fuego de| Beyond Life jjjgg Vjftjjg Prof.le PortugueseAround RocU Rdl 10:30 AM EsPirito Santo CaPP j^c °untrV Senior Network Profile FishTV Today's Walk Impact 11-On AM Long Bridge Sonny's Floral Glory & The Holy New England CansCndMusicals 11.UU AM Runner a Tr' ends ' Spirjt Outdoor Lfe Cape ua Musicale Multicultural 11:30 AM BaHai Faith Books & The World On Good Faith ,ns lratl0na| IShsrasT Proflle Festival 2005 12:00 PM The Adam Show Common Sense GalleryTalks Gaining Ron's Country The Evidence 12:30 PM Physician's Focus Jericho Army Newswatch First Capitol Perspective a nfS^rvK Preview Congregational uenmarn ^uua 1:00 PM Countryjournal A LittleKnowledge Y a n f e lr t g § | g ^^ ^ ^ Connsction 1:30 PM _ . . ., Beth Shuva Life Concerns BagO'Movies TBA Real to Reel Thumbelina / "Citv Streets" 2:00 PM • ; Transformations Fish TV The Evidence Bulletin Board Profile Manancial 2:30 PM Tomorrow Art Seen deL °UV °r JoyfulCreatjons Common Sense 3:00 PM TBA Lutheran Service Books & The World Brewster Baptist „ ., . „ ,n Boston Alzheimer s n . , u Voices of Peace . Revival Hour 3:30 PM Bulletin Board Talesof Cape Cod Cape Cod Musicale BulletinBoard 4:00 PM YPD PoliceSeries Senior Scenes Bulletin Board Bulletin Board Preview AmericanClassics 4'30 PM The Jeff Perry John Reqa's Multicultural ReP°rt GreatAmerican Cooking Show ' r . i ™ £ Faith & Deliverance „ , - , r nr, o.« Festival 2005 „ Smoke Ou ru/iix mi 5:00 PM Cape Cod Com- Studio B Live BarnstaDle Charter — 1 mission/Assembly Calvary Chapel 5:30 PM ofDelegates The Tudtington s^ Senlorclr ' Plal" * ^ple Serine Life Concerns 6:00 PM Follow Your Heart CollucciBrothers Art Seen Plain& Simple TalkingTogether Around & About 6:30 PM Le.s Visi. Ron's Country Stud^BUve. Caring & Sharing __ °°PM , S e a^T u Ui, TaleS °fCape Cod jgjjjj g g g ^ Books & The Worid The Great Gadfly Pointp Dsncp 7:30 PM Studio . On Good Faith Today's Walk R _ _l _* House of Israel Environmental The Revolution ______? 8:00 PM ] C0meCt,0n The R T $ r n SeniorNetwork LeC,Ures 2 Jericho 8:30 PM Profile Gallery Talks Cape CodMusicale Collucci Brothers Transformations . The Adam Show ^ Trends '013 ' ? nn PM The Johnny and Long Bndge Q_ -,_ I«« New England y-UU KM Michelle Show Runner BeyondLife Outdoor Lrfe imp3Cl Revival Hour „ , „ „ , , , MediaCenters _ , , 9:30 PM TV Fta Festival Pr0flie TBA I'm Not Fishing Dan & Dad 10:00 PM TBA % J £rt ef,V A Little Knowledge I Multicultural !_ _2!! 10:30 PM WOMR Music, "%"£* M ™ * Canard TBA ' TheArt of the Ride Wine S Food Manancial rip I nijvnr 11:00 PM Festival2005 Physiclans Focus Zednick News JJ*KRLI Lels Vlslt — TBA 11:30 PM TBA TalkngWith. Infra,l0nal ! *_ *" ___?__ Put Out The Word Scissors Assembly Espirrto Santo MIDNIGHT NOWPLAYING REGAL THEATERS L^LV9Tf99l ^ i aVffl ffHH SOMETHING NEW (PG-13) Digital Fri. - Thu. 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